Two scientists, err, professors at some public Universities, reported that after three years of analysis of thousands of bone chips and fragements, they were unable to confirm that the Donners of the “Donner party” engaged in cannibalism. They were apparently split off from the larger group, which did eat each other.

These professors were unable to locate evidence of cannibalism at a campfire site they believe was used by the Donners OVER 150 YEARS AGO. Maybe someone ate the evidence. Maybe the bones they were looking for turned to dust eons ago, or were taken away by scavenging animals. Maybe that is why this boondoggle resulted in this wacky report – contrary to the first-hand reports, diary entries, etc., of the people who were actually there over 150 years ago.

Good to know these teachers, getting paid with our tax dollars, have nothing better to do with their time, abilities, and scientific knowledge. Great, the Donners did not eat other people. Now fire these professors.

What’s next – ‘Cave Men Did Not Kill Whoolly Mammoths’ – Scientists excavating a cave with Neanderthal-era drawings of prehistoric men killing Whoolly Mammoths were unable to find any evidence in or near the cave that this killing ever occurred. After reviewing thousands of bone fragments in the area, professors found a lot of squirrel and bird bones, but not the Whoolly Mammoth shown on the cave walls. Puzzled, the scientists were sure that after 25,000 years they would easily find this evidence.

They also found several beer cans and condoms – which after further scientific study were determined to have been used. Further testing is being conducted to see if they were used on a Whoolly Mammoth.

Eat the Scientists
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One thought on “Eat the Scientists

  • January 13, 2006 at 10:38 am
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    Maybe after consuming the beer they ate the condoms. The best empirical evidence they could get is sit in the cave, sniff paint fumes and consume lots of beer, be provided a wooly mamoth (or elephant dressed as one) and then given condoms. I say we see what happens!

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